I’ve tried it…
From adding a smidge of vodka to my iced tea, to
standing on one leg whilst brushing my teeth
Both ending disastrously
(especially when combined)
23 years in – and finding a good balance is still a mystery to me.
And well, this whole ‘adulting’ in general…
I’ve tried the whole cool, calm and collected –
‘Yeah, I’ll just go out for one drink…’
I still have never tasted any mahogany notes in wine, nor do I wish to…
If I could put chocolate sprinkles on every meal, I would. I still seem to have a tendency to kill plants even faster than relationships. And, I’m still trying to figure out the concept of – sharing food…
And yes, I still don’t (and probably never will) understand how to change my sheets without ending up suffocating inside them.
The truth is, I only own two pairs of shoes.
One being flip-flops and the other – trainers (with holes perfectly positioned at each toe). I have no permanent home. Every time I look at my bank balance my face looks a lot like Macaulay Culkin trying aftershave in Home Alone. Or well, anyone’s face after googling what Macaulay Culkin actually looks like now…
When I was younger, I envisioned my early twenties a lot differently…
I thought I would be starting a career doing something fancy, have a doting boyfriend – with the looks of a Hemsworth and the heart of a Jonas brother. I thought I would have a steady income, the body of a Victoria Secret model and my drawers would be stocked with matching underwear.
But if my scarce shoe collection and lack of gym membership is anything to go by – my 7-year-old Disney princess brain was wrong.
I mean, after not receiving my Hogwarts acceptance letter at age 10 – I started to have doubts…
23; The age where you feel like you should be doing adult stuff, but really you just want to eat bagels and watch One Tree Hill reruns…
It still baffles me that I managed to even do my taxes last year, when I still can’t grasp how the planets do what they do…
For me, 23 is the age that all of my friends decided to take adulting to the next level. I’m talking about babies, marriage, thriving careers…
Whilst I spend my days off looking up ways to donate my eggs and how to become a part-time stripper.
But, as my stripper body is still under construction – and not wanting to run the risk of creating more people who don’t understand the laws of gravity – I find myself having to think up new ways to take on the big 23.
I decided to write a good old 1-10 bullet pointer around the art of:
– GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER –
So pause netflix for 10 and let’s get to it…
- 1. POUR YOURSELF A DRINK:
(tequila is advised but if you are trying to be healthy remember… Vodka is made from potatoes and potatoes make for good decisions so… vodka).
- 2. GET OFFLINE:
Scrolling through Instagram photos of engagements, weight-loss transformations and business openings is not going to make these things happen for you. Instead – ditch the 20 minute insta scroll for a 20 minute – walk, read, writing session, music playing...
“The fact is, so many people don’t know what they’re doing. And often, instead of just enjoying the fact that they are alive, people are lost worrying about what they think they should be doing.”
- 3. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF:
There is nothing more freeing. Your best friend may be the same age and an olympic champion. WHO CARES. You are wonderful. Brilliant and just as you are meant to be. That’s all you need to know. You are not them and they are not you.
- 4. LOVE LIST:Oprah got fired at 23. It’s OK to not know what you’re doing. In fact, it’s encouraged. Troy Bolton didn’t know what he was doing for 3 movies and you know what, he figured it out (maybe we all just need to dance and sing it out)?Try writing a list of things you love or have considered pursuing – then number them 1-10 (1 being the one that makes you feel the happiest). Then research and see what there is available. This can be a list of things that you are interested in but not sure where to start. Or could just be the small stuff – what do you want to do today?
- 5. ATTITUDE FOR GRATITUDE:
Each morning just write three really lovely things that happened the day before:
1 – Had a smoothie with my friend whilst it rained outside on my work break
2 – Had an amazing sing-a-long on my bike ride home under the stars
3 – Had a long Skype call with my wonderful mum
It makes you see all the wonderful things that happened unexpectedly the day before – and gets you excited for the day to come.
- 6. THINK BIG: I may be small, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think big. Think of your biggest dream, write it down, now make it bigger! Stop putting a limit on your fantastic life. You want to learn how to surf? Imagine becoming a pro-surfing champion! Want to move up in your company? Imagine running the company! Think big and let the magic flow…
- 7. GET PREPPIN’:
Taking a few hours on one day to just re-vamp the kitchen can do the mind a world of good. Blast some music, get cooking, chopping and stocked up – and life becomes a whole lot more breezy. Ideas: Bulk cook; Grains (e.g. brown rice/quinoa etc..) store in jars and add to any dish. Freeze fruit for when sugar cravings strike (e.g. nice cream, smoothies, blueberries to snack on). Make one easy, healthy, dessert to keep in the fridge or freezer (e.g. raw cheesecake, bliss balls etc..). Chop some veggies so they are ready to go in a salad or stir fry whenever you want them.
- 8. PAMPER:
Clean your house! Then… CLEAN YOURSELF. Steam shower – and pretend you’re in a spa before the hot water runs out. Cut your nails, whack in a hair mask, moisturize, drink some cucumber water (with gin) and make yourself feel all fancy.
“Only when you start to make time for yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself, can you then do the same for others”
- 9. KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH:
The question you may get asked a lot if you see old friends/family…
“So what are you doing now?” …….. Remember, it’s ok to not be a top lawyer, assistant to the president, or part of the MI5. If you’re a stripper, be the best god damn stripper you can be.
- 10. BE KIND TO YOURSELF:
Let yourself off the hook. You’re only one person. And even though it may feel daunting to be another year older, it’s just another number. You have another year of experiences and if you look back, there is probably a lot more magic hidden in there than you may think…
Blast some aggressive rap music
Make your bed
Clean out that fridge
Pay your bills
Be f’n grateful
Look around you
You have lungs for breathing, food for eating, a bed to sleep in?
You’re – A – OK
Think about those dreams
Make the dreams bigger
Eat some hemp seeds
Go to work
And if it all goes to pot
Finish drink, go onto Youtube and type in ‘ninja cats’.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Heck, even whilst writing this blog I have taken several breaks for snacks, watched Gilmore Girls and even attempted to learn a Britney dance routine.
I don’t know where I see myself in 5 years…
I don’t even know where I see myself in 5 days?
But I know I don’t need to. Life changes all the time. And yes, it is great to have goals and dreams, but if you don’t have a plan right now. Don’t worry. You got this.
Whether you’re 23, 45 or 60…
It doesn’t matter.
Take the number away and just enjoy your flipping day…
“We spend so much of our day wishing for tomorrow and holding on to yesterday that we forget about today. The beautiful, wonderful, magic in today.”
The only lame thing about being 23 is Taylor Swift hasn’t wrote a song about it yet.
(But it really is just a matter of time)
Yes, my toes may be on show 99% of the time.
But, I like my toes. They’re good for walking…
P I N K S U S H I
R E C I P E
– Rinse 1 cup of sushi rice – then place in a pan with 1 1/4 cup of water and leave to soak for 30 minutes.
-Bring to the boil then simmer with the lid on for 10 minutes until all the water is absorbed.
– Add apple cider vinegar and the juice from a beetroot until you get the colour pink that you want and allow to slightly cool.
– Cover your sushi mat in cling film and place a sheet of nori shiny way down. Cover 3/4 way down the sheet with rice – add your other choice of filling (avocado/cucumber/sprouts/tempeh/tofu/carrot etc…) and roll.
– Cut into pieces with a knife – starting by cutting in half. You should be able to use two nori sheets with 1 cup of rice and make around 12 or more pieces.
*Rolls can be stored in the fridge for a couple of days
* Can be made with sweet potato/quinoa/cauliflower rice etc… – instead of sushi rice
* Yummy dipping sauce: Tamari, Tahini, fresh ginger grated, apple cider vinegar + filtered water blended.